Category Archives for "Intentional Recruiting"

Six Easy Steps to Make 2019 Your Best!

Congratulations! You have already made the best step towards an awesome 2019. You aren’t waiting until New Years Day!

But that is a bonus. I had the same inclination and pulled out my tried and proven Smart Goals Worksheet this week. Then I did a little research and found some timeless truths for us from the master of personal development – Jim Rohn.

So don’t quit reading until you’ve gotten to the end because I have a gift for you.

Here we go:

Your Success in 2019 Step 1 – Find the Right Plan for YOU!

Have you struggled because you are trying to use the plan that works for your upline?

That is what I did for several years.

Maybe you, like me, have had some success doing what your upline is doing but you have to force yourself to do it.

Starting today, don’t wait for next year, give yourself permission to be true to yourself and who you and your values are.

There is more than one way to build a business. Unfortunately, it is sometimes hard for the person who has found their successful way to build to believe that it won’t work for everyone.

But, one way doesn’t work for everyone.

This is what Jim Rohn said:

So what plan is the right plan? The plan that fits you. Each of us is unique and motivated by different factors and you’ve got to develop a plan that is right for you and fits you. Some plans will not be as intricate as others, but we all must have a plan, along with goals in that plan, to move us along. If you are a free spirit, don’t tell yourself you are going to spend two hours a day with a book and a journal. It probably won’t happen and you will just get discouraged. Whatever your personality, your strengths and your weaknesses, develop the plan around them. This is not a one-plan-fits-all proposition.

Keep in mind that I will favor strategies that work for me. I do share ideas that I consider and discard so you may hear what will work for you. But if you can’t see yourself doing what I do. Find someone who is doing what you can see yourself doing and follow them.

One last point – I want to clarify that I am not implying that our plan shouldn’t take us out of our comfort zone.

If your plan doesn’t stretch you how can you expect to grow. It’s the truth!

Now for Step 2 in Having Your Best Year Yet – Set the Times for Implementing Your Plan!

If your life is strictly regulated this is easier than if it is unpredictable.

A schedule will work for some, while more flexible guidelines may be what you need.

What I have is a DMO – daily method of operation. With input from mentors, I have a daily to-do list.

Do yourself a big favor and keep your schedule or to-do list doable.

If you are like me, you will watch a new video of someone achieving phenomenal success. What they are doing sounds great. Their success certainly is attractive.

So, I adjust my DMO to what they are doing. It goes great. My excitement builds. I can see success bursting on the scene by the weekend!

Then I hit a wall.

strugglingI can’t continue at that pace. I am burning out after only a week for Pete’s sake. What a wimp I am!

Then I had an aha moment. You see I am single and I was listening to a lot of couples talk about what they do.

With one couple the husband is very techy – I am not – the wife likes to write – that is me.

In another couple, one is an extrovert – which I am not.

But my aha moment came when one husband mentioned that his wife slept in because she was up until 4 a.m. working on a presentation.

I realized she could do that because she had a partner who would get the kids off to school.

I don’t have a partner. Maybe you don’t either.

Or worse yet, you even have an unsupportive partner perhaps.

Whatever our situation, we need to remember this. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Start with a schedule that you are sure you can do day after day, week after week, month after month.

Then when you master that you can add activities one at a time.

The important thing is to know what you plan to do and then do it. Consistently. Persistently.

I recommend Jeff Olson’s book The Slight Edge. It will build your belief in the value of consistently doing the easy things that will bring success.

Step 3 is Keep a Record of Your Daily Activity.

Your record can be a spreadsheet where you record your daily activities.

Or a journal might work better for you.

If you prefer the spreadsheet leave room for comments about what is working and what isn’t working. Be sure and write down new ideas that you want to incorporate in future activities.

I currently use a journal for recording what I do and a spreadsheet for planning my weekly activities. The spreadsheet is easiest for me to organize what I need to do for the coming week but it doesn’t allow room for the notes I need to take.

So, I record what I do each day in a journal. And that introduces the next step.

Step 4 to Your Most Successful Year Is to Take Time to Reflect.

In my journal, I also evaluate my day briefly. I answer these three questions:

3. What three things worked today?

2. What two things didn’t work today?

1.  What one thing might I do differently?

At the end of a week, I can use those questions to further reflect and the same for every month and year-end.

Here is what Jim Rohn says about the importance of reflection:

Take a few hours at the end of the week to reflect on the week’s activities. Also during that weekly time, take a few minutes to reflect on how this material should be applied to your life and circumstances. Take a half day at the end of the month and a weekend at the end of the year so that you’ve got it, so that it never disappears, to ensure that the past is even more valuable and will serve your future well.

Step 5 Is Crucial to Your Success – Setting Goals.

When you create your DMO, daily method of operation, you need to have a way to determine if you are successful. Goals are how you will measure your success. Keep in mind that success for me will be far different from what you consider success.

Think of it this way. Your DMO is your roadmap. But a good roadmap always has a destination in mind. Your goals are your destination.The future must be planned.png

You also need to have a clear idea of where you are at, don’t you?

The goal-setting process may need to keep that in mind.

For instance, if your goal is to reach the highest level of your MLM company and you have rank advanced halfway to the top, your goals for 2019 will be different from the goals of your new recruit.

Your new recruit may be thrilled to reach your level by the end of next year but you won’t.

Success Step for 2019 Number 6 – Act on Your Plan!

Can you imagine having your holiday planned, you’ve got it mapped out, booked hotel rooms, and purchased tickets for the zip-line adventure or Broadway show and then staying home?

Of course not.

So it is with our plan. We can’t imagine spending time setting goals and developing a daily method of operation and not following through with action.

But, it happens. Doesn’t it?

How do you ensure that it doesn’t happen to you? Let’s let Jim Rohn give us his answer:

What separates the successful from the unsuccessful so many times is that the successful simply do it. They take action. They aren’t necessarily smarter than others; they just work the plan. The time to act is when the emotion is strong. Here’s what happens if you don’t: The Law of Diminishing Intent. We intend to act when the idea strikes us, when the emotion is high, but if we delay and we don’t translate that into action fairly soon, the intention starts to diminish, diminish and a month from now it’s cold and a year from now it can’t be found.

Mel Robbins’ Five Second Rule explains how our brains are actually wired to keep us from acting. It sounds crazy but our brains seek to avoid danger by shutting down new ventures.

So, to get around our brain’s sabotage we need to act within five seconds.


You should read Mel’s book The Five Second Rule but at least watch this video on youtube. –

You’ve read the need for making a plan.

It’s time for action. And if you don’t do it in the next five seconds your brain will start making up ridiculous excuses for not taking action.

So, click here and get started.

Your Best Year Ever S.M.A.R.T. Goals Worksheet

I would love to hear from you and be your accountability partner.
I’ll be in touch,
Connie Saurez

The 5-Step Process to Get Inside Your Prospect’s Mind & Position Your Product or Service as Their Perfect Solution

You want to close more often?

We have talked about how getting the close starts with finding the right people. But another factor is to understand what they want so that we are offering the right product to the right person.

I can’t think of anyone more qualified to teach the process of getting inside your prospect’s mind than Bill Pescosolido.

That’s why I am glad I can bring you this article by Bill. Read to the end for a great freebie for attracting the right people to you.

It’s an old marketing adage that people don’t buy your product or service, they buy the BENEFITS of whatever you’re selling.

Sounds cool, right?

…but what does that actually mean?

Well, here’s another way of looking at it…

There’s really only ONE thing any customer buys, and that’s TRANSFORMATION.

A buyer wants something – anything – that will…

Take them from where they ARE to where they want to BE

Thus, whenever you write a post or email message, record a video or Facebook Live, or talk to somebody on the phone, your ability to get them to say “yes” depends on how well you get inside their mind and show them how you can help them get there.

You could be selling…

  • Shakes,
  • Vitamins,
  • Cosmetics,
  • Travel,
  • Insurance, or
  • Precious metals

…doesn’t matter.

You’re really only selling transformation.

Let’s explore the “before and after” of this transformation they’re seeking.

Before = “Unhappy”

Your ideal prospect is unhappy for a particular reason.

Maybe they’re…

  • Overweight
  • Feeling unattractive
  • Stuck in a dead-end job they hate
  • Lacking the energy to keep up with their kids or grandkids

Maybe they’re worried about having enough money to…

  • Retire
  • Send the kids to college
  • Buy or remodel their house

Your company, product, or niche is designed to address this unhappiness in some way – to provide some sort of “after.”

After = “Happy”

“Happy” is where they want to be.

They want their particular discomfort, pain, fear, or problem to resolve, improve, or just go away.

They want to…

  • Look and feel better – to look in the mirror and love what they see
  • Enjoy renewed, youthful intimacy with their spouse or partner
  • Feel free to quit that lousy job
  • Sprint up the stairs after their kids or grandkids without running out of breath
  • Experience the financial freedom to do things, buy things, and experience things they’ve never been able to before

The only way you’ll ever be able to communicate with your prospects effectively is to get very clear about their particular “before” and desired “after” states.

The success of every ad you write, every blog entry you post, every email you send, and every telephone call you have depends on it.

And if you truly want to get inside your prospect’s mind, you’ll need to do some written work…and some deep thinking work.

You’ll want to take some time to research and write down what you discover, beginning with step #1:

Ask yourself what…

  • Pain are they experiencing?
  • Challenges are they facing?
  • Problems do they have?

Dive deep.

The pain, problems, or challenges are often not apparent on the surface.

It’s not just, “I want to lose 10 pounds.”

Why is losing that 10 pounds important?

  • Is it to improve their health?
  • Look better for their spouse or partner?
  • Feel more vibrant and energetic?

It’s not just, “I want to make more money.”

Why is making more money important?

What problems would making more money solve?

  • Is it to remodel the house?
  • Save for their kids’ college?
  • Take a long-postponed vacation?

You must dig deep so you can understand the psychology of your ideal customer.


You’ll want to specifically detail…

  • What are their goals?
  • What are they trying to accomplish?
  • What would their life look like if their pain, problem, or challenge disappeared?
  • How do they want to feel?
  • What do they want to experience?
  • Who do they want to be?

Remember, you’re not selling a product. You’re not selling a service.

You’re not selling a pill or a shake, a lotion or a potion.

Your prospects don’t want to buy those things.

Again, always remember that you’re selling transformation.

And you need to be crystal clear about the before, the after, and the transformation that can take place as a result of what you’re providing your customer.

Next, you’ll need to…

Now it’s time to uncover why might somebody decide NOT to buy your product or service?

One reason might simply be the network marketing or home-based business industry itself.

Unfortunately, in the home-based business industry, many people might have felt scammed, swindled, or taken advantage of.

Maybe somebody took their money and didn’t fulfill their promise – and your customer got hosed.

After all, there are unethical “gurus” out there.

Why might somebody decide NOT to buy from YOU in particular?

Maybe they’re willing to buy, but they’re just not willing to buy from you because you haven’t built up enough trust factor yet.

They might not really know you, yet.

Other objections, of course, will boil down to money and time.

Get clear about why YOUR ideal customer might initially object to your offer.

Now you’ll need to invest some time to…

Defining and getting to know your Customer Avatar can be tricky.

One of the biggest challenges I see is that people focus too much on customer demographics and too little on customer intent.

So let me clear that up for you.

Demographic info and characteristics include the following information about your ideal customer…

  • Name
  • Age
  • Marital Status
  • Job
  • Income
  • Education level
  • Number of children
  • Ages of children

This is all stuff you can just make up.

It’s fine as far as it goes, but it’s not very helpful in terms of getting inside their minds.

When you start digging around and thinking about…

  • How old their home is and how many square feet it is
  • What grades their children are in and the specific schools they go to
  • The customer’s actual annual income year over year

You’re too bogged down in the details.

You’re not really diving DEEP

You’re still swimming on the surface.

This surface information conveys NOTHING about your ideal customer’s INTENT.

What does your ideal customer – your avatar — really want to do?

  • What is their intention?
  • What do they want to accomplish?
  • What’s their ideal “After” state?
  • What is the transformation they’re looking for?

So when you’re thinking about your avatar, don’t just focus on the demographics, because when you start setting up targeting for your Facebook ad campaign you’re going to put yourself in a bind.

If you base your targeting only on demographics – and you don’t include your customer’s intention – you’ll miss the boat entirely.

Instead, you want to…

You have to put yourself where your ideal customer currently is – not where you think they should be.

  • Where are they searching for solutions to their problem or concern?
  • Where do they spend their time online? Offline?
  • What events do they attend?
  • What blogs, forums, or websites do they visit?

Based on your own products and niche, research and write down…

  • The top 5 or 10 blogs, forums, or websites in your niche
  • The top industry events within your niche
  • The top magazines in your niche that your ideal customer might read
  • The top coaches, gurus, or thought leaders within your niche that your ideal customer would follow

THAT information gets you aimed at your customer’s INTENT.

If you discover that your ideal customer is attending a certain event, or visiting a particular blog, forum, or website for information, that’s where you need to meet them.

Meet them with your content and speak to them where they are.

It’s tough to research your customer avatar based solely on demographics.

You need to focus more on their psychology and intent

Examples of intent might be…

  • Are they interested in getting a new car?
  • Do they want to have straight teeth, or to have their teeth whitened?
  • Are they interested in growing a vegetable garden in their backyard?
  • Will they be taking a major vacation in the next six months?

Here are some examples of intent that might fall within our particular niche…

  • Take (or be able to afford) more vacations with their family
  • Have more free time at home with the kids
  • Retire their spouse or partner
  • Retire early themselves
  • Quit their day job

Those examples show the intent of people who might want to get into the home-based business industry, or who might be open to network marketing.

Your ideal customer is looking for an “after” state and a specific intention they want to fulfill

Here’s the truth…

No out-of-shape, overweight person suddenly wakes up one morning and says…

“I really want to buy a treadmill. That’s what I want to do.”

They might actually wake up and say…

“I have to get in shape. I need to lose some weight. After all, I’ve got to be able to fit into my suit again, because I have a 25th high school reunion coming up in a couple of months and I want to look good!”

Treadmill companies are not marketing treadmills!

They’re marketing transformation.

They know no one wants to buy a treadmill.

Their customers want the “after” state that comes from using the treadmill over time.

After all, when you look at treadmill commercials (or any other exercise equipment commercials, for that matter), they always feature people who are in amazing shape using the equipment.

The actors or models in those commercials are super fit.

The guys have six-pack abs and great muscles, and the women are sleek and flexible.

They represent the transformation they’re trying to sell.

Their ideal customers WANT to look like those models or actors.

They want that after state.

In your own marketing, sell the transformation – the “after” state

That’s the only thing people ever buy.

So, again, focus more on intent than on demographics.

Now, as I wrap this up, I just want to remind you about how to speak to your Ideal customer avatar.

Don’t try to drag your customer or audience into a new conversation.

Join the conversation they’re already having in their own head.

Use the words they use, not the words you use.

If your ideal customer isn’t in network marketing yet, and you’re using words like…

  • prospecting,
  • recruiting,
  • sponsoring,
  • downlines and uplines

….they’re not going to know what any of that means.

You’re using your own vernacular and industry jargon that you use every day.

You know and are very familiar and comfortable with those words, but your ideal customer has most likely never heard them before.

You’re not speaking to your ideal customer and the conversation that’s going on in their head.

So always be mindful of the conversation in their head, what their intent is, and what “after” state they want

Focus on the transformation that they’re going to experience when they use your product.

So, in closing, let me say this…

No one wakes up in the morning and says…

“I’m going to buy a system to teach myself about attraction marketing so I can generate more leads for my business!”

Instead, they are thinking…

  • “I wish my business would produce enough money so I could spend more time at home with the family.”
  • “Man, I wish I felt more secure about having enough money to send the kids to college.”
  • “I want to break through and get results in my business the fastest way possible.”

Now, if you’d like to learn more about connecting with your ideal customers almost effortlessly…

Then I strongly recommend getting access to Elite Marketing Pro’s FREE 10-Day Online Recruiting Bootcamp to discover how to build your business using attraction marketing.

This free training will show you how to find prospects online and build your business faster and more efficiently than you ever thought possible.

Qualified prospects will find you – every day – and they’ll already be interested in the transformation you’re offering them.

You can take advantage of these methods starting today—no matter how much (or little) online prospecting and recruiting experience you currently have.

This training is not vague, fuzzy, or “pie in the sky.”

You’ll learn actionable steps you can put to work right away.

And if you take this process seriously, I guarantee that it will change your life and you’ll experience the transformation you’re looking for!

So if you’re ready to get started…

Simply click here and you’ll get access to EMP’s 10-Day Online Recruiting Bootcamp.

And if you found this content helpful, I would love to read your comments below!


Bill Pescosolido
Content Marketing Expert & Super Affiliate


Finally, An Easy Way To Recruit Into Your Network Marketing Business – Rejection FREE – Without Wasting Your Time & Money Chasing Dead Beat Prospects & Leads…

Claim Your Free Internet Recruiting Bootcamp…



Bill Pescosolido is a Certified Content Marketing Specialist and is in charge of the content and email marketing for Pescosolido Marketing, LLC. Prior to joining his wife Michelle in their digital marketing business Bill spent 16 years in Corporate America in sales and consulting roles.

You’ve Listened, Now You Are Ready to Give Supportive Feedback 

You are a compassionate human being who has chosen to earn an income by representing a company and its products. 

You believe in the products. You have embraced the business model and comp plan. 

And you are beginning to realize that not everyone shares your point of view. 

With the best of intentions, your upline tells you that it is a numbers game. All you have to do is so many presentations a day. 

But now you realize that approach doesn’t work for you; it isn’t you. 

The biggest reason you have not felt successful with old school techniques is your agenda. 

Doing 5 presentations a day. Doing 1 presentation a day. Doing X number of presentations a day is an agenda. And that unwittingly is setting you up to fail.

Reflective listening allows your friends (11)

The Five ListeningSkills work best when you release any agenda you may have.

The good news is that the Five Listening Skills help you release your agenda. 

By now you have released your agenda if you have used Reflective Listening, InterpretiveListening, and Helpful Questions. 

As a result, you believe you understand what your friend wants and doesn’t want. You are positioned to be their best friend by giving them Supportive Feedback. 

Most of us don’t want to be told what we should do which is why old school network marketing gives our profession a bad name. 

Instead, you are going to give your friend feedback that tells her what you have heard her say and you will express the emotions that you have about her choice with Supportive Feedback.Female college friends talking on campus 

It will feel comfortable if you have patiently listened with Reflective Listening, InterpretiveListening, and Helpful Questions. 

What does Supportive Feedback sound like? There is a formula that you should follow that will require a little practice but once you have mastered Supportive Feedback you will be ready for the Confident Close. 

Here is the basic framework of Supportive Feedback: Reflective listening allows your friends (9)

I feel [fill in the specific feeling you have] 

when [state the specific statement your friend has made] 

because [give your specific, personal reason for feeling the way you do] 

Did you notice that you must be specific and you will need to own your feelings? 

Your Supportive Feedback should always start with “I feel.” Until now you have focused on what your friend was feeling and thinking. 

Now you need to ask yourself a few questions, like: 

  1. How do I feel? If you were posting on Facebook what emoji would you use? Are you feeling confused, disappointed, concerned, anxious, perturbed, glad, relieved? There are many more emotions. It may help you to make a list of feelings and emotions. As a rule, our culture does not recognize feelings. You need to become comfortable with your emotions and help your friend to do so as well. Once, you have identified what you are feeling, you have the first element of your Supportive Feedback. 
  1. For the second element, you must identify what about the situation is making you feel this way. Use pronoun “you” carefully so you don’t make Supportive Feedback feel like an accusation. 

It would be better to say: 

I feel disappointed when I hear you say… 

Than: I feel disappointed when you say… 

  1. Finally, you need to communicate to your friend why it makes you feel this way. You will own your feelings. 

 Reflective listening allows your friends (10)

You can express a positive emotion or feeling like this: 

You have listened to your friend talk about wanting to quit her job. She has said that she is willing to do whatever she must to be able to stay at home with her children. 

I feel so hopeful 

when you say that you are willing to do whatever 

because there are lots of women in my company who are seeing great success while working from home. 

You can express a negative emotion or feeling like this: 

You have been listening to your sister talk about how frustrated she is by billing paying. She has concluded that there is nothing she can do and will say nothing. 

I feel sad 

when I hear you plan to do nothing to change the billing paying routine 

because I know you have several options available to you. 

You use Supportive Feedback to: Two women in living room talking and smiling

  • Role model open, honest and direct communication. 
  • Communicate what you are feeling so your friend doesn’t need to guess. 
  • Ensure that you recognize and own your feelings. 
  • Move towards a Confident Close. 

You may find Supportive Feedback hard because: 

  • You may have difficulty recognizing and/or expressing emotions. 
  • You may not believe that the structure of I feel, when, because is important. 
  • Using these elements will feel awkward until you have practiced them. 
  • You may be tempted to bring your agenda to the table. If this listening skill it is to be supportive you must let your friend’s agenda still be the driving factor. 

Supportive Feedback is vital because: 

  • It clarifies your conversation. 
  • It allows you to direct the conversation to a conclusion. 
  • It establishes you as a leader who will serve and not manipulate. 
  • It helps you support your friend in the best decision for them. 
  • You still must guard against your agenda ruling the conversation. 
  • Communicates to your friend that you put her first and will support her decision. 
  • It opens the door to a Confident Close. 



Practice makes good; more practice makes better. 

Practicing Supportive Feedback 

Take each scenario and use the basic framework of Supportive Feedback to lead your conversation to the Confident Close. These scenarios are fiction so you can use a little fiction with what you might have learned in the first part of your conversation. The important thing is to get comfortable with the framework of Supportive Feedback and to keep it focused on your friend’s agenda, not yours. 

Reflective listening allows your friends (12)

  1. I feel [fill in the emotion or feeling you are experiencing.] 
  1. When [fill in with what makes you feel that way. Use pronoun “you” carefully so you don’t make yourSupportive Feedback feel like an accusation.] 
  1. Because [fill in with why it makes you feel the emotion or feeling that you do.] 

Use pronoun “you” carefully so you don’t make your Supportive Feedback feel like an accusation. 

You want a statement like this: 

I feel______________ when ___________________ because ______________________________. 

  1. Your sister has told you she hates paying bills because money is tight. She says that she is ready to do something different to get different results. 
  2. Your best friend says that she wants to work from home and is going to start back with the direct selling company she was with before – it isn’t your company and she quit because she didn’t like the customer service or her up line. 
  3. Your sister says that she would love to take your essential oils but they cost too much. She is going to get some from Vitamin Cottage. 
  4. Your friend says that she loves your products and will be a customer but that she doesn’t have time to be a distributor. 
  5. Your friend says that she needs to do the business but she is so afraid of sharing with people.

Well done. You are almost done. When used to focus on your friend’s agenda the four listening skills Reflective Listening, Interpretive Listening, Helpful Questions, and Supportive Feedback have brought you to the Confident Close. You can be confident because you better understand the friend you have been listening to. You have a clearer idea of what she wants and how your products and company opportunity might fit in.

You are ready for Don’t Leave Your Friend or Your Business Hanging: Execute a Confident Close.

Are Facebook “Likes” Important for Marketing Your Network Marketing Business?

Ever wondered what Facebook “likes” are all about?

And if they’re actually important for your pages, posts, and status updates?

If so, you’re in luck! Because today I have brought to the blog Social Media Strategist Helen Martin as our guest blogger. Helen is going to discuss all things likes, and some things you should be aware of in relation to the importance of likes.

You can watch the video or if you choose you can read Helen’s content below. Take it away Helen . . .

So…likes, are they a good thing? Do you need them? Is there a downside?

Watch the video below to find out!

Okay, here’s the deal…

Likes are CRITICAL to you when you first start your page!

You might know you need about 100 likes on your page before you can start advertising.

Now, the reason for that, if you’re not aware, is there’s a lot of dodgy people out there in “Internet land.”

They’ll set up a page and want to advertise straight away.

It’s a huge red flag to Facebook if somebody sets up a Facebook page and starts advertising straight away, yet they have no fans or followers.

So, you want to make sure you get those 100 likes first before you do any advertising!

The misconception that can happen, however, is an over-emphasis on how important likes are.

So, let me explain.

Likes are new people you can build relationships with

That’s what going online is all about, connecting with people wide and large, from around the world, that you wouldn’t ordinarily be able to connect with.

You want to build up your following and build up the cold audience coming to you so you can create a relationship with them.

So, it is important for that reason.

Also, it is an indication that people are there, and they’ve chosen to like your page or follow your page, so it is a bit of social proof.

So, there are the good things about likes and why they’re necessary.

New people to talk to, new relationships to build on, and that’s cool.

What is the downfall of likes?

And this is something that I see in the community that I think you need to be aware of, if you’re not already.

The downside of likes is…how should I put it?

The ego we attach to a silly number

Does that make sense?

How caught up do you get in the number?

“Oh, I’ve got 100, that’s awesome.”

Now, that’s a milestone worth celebrating because then you can do ads, but then you want 1000 and 2000, it’s like…

“Oh, this is awesome. I’m growing my fans. I’m growing my following, and this is really cool.”

People get caught up in the social proof side of it, in the ego side of the likes.

What’s wrong with that?

Exactly that, people get caught up in their own ego.

Do likes equal dollar signs?

Think likes equal dollars?

Well, likes don’t equal sales.

Likes can be a very damaging thing for you to focus on.

The danger is, you get caught up in thinking that the number is so important, that you go and buy likes.

I know there’s a lot of people in the community that have done that, and you may have done that because you’re just not aware that it can be damaging for you.

I want to explain this to you, so you understand why you don’t want to follow that strategy.

But I just want to preface by saying if you’re one of those people that’s done that, don’t freak out.

Social media moves that fast, you can recover.

You’re just going to have to work twice as hard to get engagement from the people that are there.

Let me just explain this to you briefly.

There are strategies that you can follow to pay some money, and you can get thousands and thousands of likes within a few days.

There might be some of you that don’t know this is an option, this is a good thing because I want to make you aware of it, so you don’t do it.

Don’t EVER buy “bulk” likes!

The reason for that – just think of this for a second…

You’ve got 10,000 people on your Facebook page, and no one’s engaging with you, or you’ve got 200 people on your page, and they’re all engaging with you, and interacting with you, and they love you.

You do a Facebook Live and they’re commenting and you’re getting engagement and interaction.

What do you think is better?

The 10,000 people for the social proof that you might look good, or the 200 people that are engaging and interacting with you on a regular basis?

Which one do you think is more important to you and your business moving forward in this land of social media?

There is a terrible training out there to get 10K likes in 48 hours.

It screws up your page!

Now, once again, if this is you, please don’t panic because this is social media, you can recover.

What I would recommend though, is to just work twice as hard for the engagement because you could have 10,000 people there that are from non-English-speaking countries.

I know the strategy, I’ve looked into it.

For a couple of hundred dollars, you can get 10,000 likes.

Please don’t use that strategy for your business.

Smaller, quality likes is the way to go

If you have bought mass likes, don’t freak out.

I speak to students all the time who have done this, and I can tell immediately.

I can go to someone’s page and say…

“You’ve 8,000 people but only 15 people are watching your Lives, and no one’s liking your post. So, what’s going on here?”

And then they’ll admit…

“Yeah, I bought some likes.”

What that does for the Facebook algorithm is damaging. There are all these people there, but no one’s engaging with this person.

So, let’s say I’ve got 10,000 likes…

But when I do a Facebook Live no one’s watching, no one’s engaging.

There’s just really nothing there.

To Facebook, the algorithm is contemplating…

“Okay, Helen’s got 10,000 people there, but no one’s engaging with her.”

Now, in the world of social media, there are thousands and thousands of posts going through everybody’s News Feed and Facebook has to filter those posts and work out…

“What are we going to show in front of what person?”

They’re going through all their calculations of their algorithm to work out who they show what.

If I’ve got 10,000 people there, but no one’s engaging with me, Facebook’s algorithm is basically saying…

“People don’t really like Helen’s stuff, so we’re not going to show Helen’s stuff to her people, or anybody, because there’s no real engagement there.”

Versus, if I’ve got a couple of hundred people who are engaging with me, they’re commenting in, and I’m engaging back, the algorithm is calculating…

“Oh, these people like Helen’s stuff. We’re going to continue to organically push out Helen’s content because people like her, and they’re engaging with her.”

Do you see the difference?

So don’t get caught up with the ego of the number of likes.

Instead, really concentrate on engagement.

How do you get engagement?

If you’re not doing Facebook Lives, you’re doing your business a disservice

With Facebook Live, people get to see you, hear you, know that you’re genuine, feel your personality, see that you care and show empathy.

That’s where people connect with you.

Make sure you’re doing Facebook Lives.

For those of you that have chosen to buy likes, once again, don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s just a matter of moving forward.

Never look back.

Whatever you’ve done on social media in the past, don’t worry about it, just keep moving forward.

Think…Yep, I did that, I know I need to work harder to get the engagement back, because I’ve got all these people sitting there that probably don’t even speak English, and they’re never going to buy my stuff.

They’re not the people that I want to continue to engage with and build a relationship with.

So, you’re going to have to work twice as hard when you do a proper likes campaign, where you can target appropriately, and get the right audience.

I get it when people say…

“It’s costing me over a dollar for a like, and I can pay 200 bucks for 10,000 likes.”

That’s the ego.

We don’t want the ego.

We want QUALITY people on our page

…we want to engage with people.

If it’s too good to be true, like spending a couple of hundred dollars to get 10,000 likes, there’s a reason why that’s too good to be true.

Yes, it might be more expensive to run a likes campaign and it’s fluctuating between 50 cents, 60 cents, 80 cents, a dollar, likes campaign can do that.

But that’s the way you want to get your pre-qualified people that you’re going to build a relationship with.

When people know, like, and trust you, you know what they do?

They buy from you!

That really needs to be the strategy.

Also, I just want to add, when you first start your page and you’re concentrating on those first hundred likes, you think…

“Oh, what do I do with these people? Do I reach out to them?”

My recommendation, unless they comment, is not to reach out to them…don’t stalk people.

It’s that ugly car salesman, when you walk into a car yard or even a retail shop, and someone’s on you in a second, asking…

“Can I help you? What do you want? Blah, blah, blah,”

And you’re thinking…

“Hey, back off for a minute, buddy. I want to be in your shop, but just give me five seconds to breath.”

When somebody likes something on your page, and you jump on them straight away and send them a message…

“Thanks for liking my stuff!”

That’s almost the same ‘stalkerish’ thing.

Take your time when people comment

…and when people comment, that’s when you comment back.

Ask a question rather than just saying…

“Thanks for being here!”

Ask them a question so they can answer back and then you can have a real conversation.

Then, the Facebook algorithm loves you because it’s not just a one off comment, you’re actually having a conversation.

Hopefully, I’ve made it clear to you…

Don’t get caught up in the vanity or the social proof of likes

Yes, we want them.

Yes, we need them.

Yes, we need new people coming to our page that we want to build relationships with, but don’t go chasing them for the wrong reasons.

Don’t go chasing them for your ego.

Don’t go chasing them just for the social proof, that’s not going to equate to leads and sales.

When you get really good at Facebook Lives, you can get leads and sales.

You ask for the engagement from a Facebook Live.

“If you’d like some free training on attraction marketing, if you’re not sure what that is, but you’d like to start to learn how to attract people to you online instead of chasing your family and friends, just drop the word training down below and I’ll send that free training over to you, as soon as I finish my Live.”

Don’t just dictate to people on a Facebook Live, actually ask for the engagement!

Give a call to action and get people to engage with you!

The more engagement you have, the Facebook algorithm will work in your favour.

Now, if you’d like to learn more cutting-edge Facebook strategies to bring your network marketing business into the 21st century…

Then I strongly recommend getting access to Elite Marketing Pro’s FREE 10-Day Online Recruiting Bootcamp and discover how to build your business using attraction marketing.

You’ll learn all about the specific tools and techniques we use to connect with prospects online, so you’ll never have to act desperate, chase down or strong-arm prospects, or deal with cold calling and rejection, ever again.

These methods allow you to build your business automatically—where prospects reach out to you (instead of you having to reach out to them).

The bottom line is that, in today’s age, you don’t need to be pushy, obnoxious, or overly-aggressive to build a successful business!

So if you’re ready to get started…

Click here to access our 10-Day Online Recruiting Bootcamp today!


Helen Martin
Social Media Strategist
Elite Marketing Pro


Finally, An Easy Way To Recruit Into Your Network Marketing Business – Rejection FREE – Without Wasting Your Time & Money Chasing Dead Beat Prospects & Leads…

Claim Your Free Internet Recruiting Bootcamp…

Download our free ten-day Bootcamp to get started.

We’re here to help you learn to build your business online.


Helen Martin


Helen Martin teaches home-based business owners how to leverage social media to build their businesses, specializing in social media strategies and personal branding. Helen’s mission is to raise the professionalism of those in the home-based business industry so they can build a thriving business using 21st-century methods.

Now you can make a difference in your friend’s life with Helpful Questions. 

Now you can make a difference in your friend’s life with Helpful Questions.  

Have you ever found yourself wanting a spouse or close friend to know what you want instead of having to tell them? 

The picture that comes to mind is a husband, who is clueless, asking his wife what is wrong. She coldly turns her back to him and says, “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.” 

It makes for a funny sitcom episode. But in life, it is anything but funny. 

So, wouldn’t it be great if you could discern what others want by listening to them? 

With the Five Listening Skills, you can! 

Where we tend to go wrong is to start with a question. 

If you first use Reflective and Interpretive Listening, you will assure your friend that you care about what she is feeling. 

She will then be ready for you to ask a Helpful Question. You will be rewarded with learning what your friend needs for you to know so that you can support her in the best decision for her. 

Without using Reflective and Interpretive Listening before asking a Helpful Question will result in a shallow answer that doesn’t come close to the heart of your friend’s answer.

What is a Helpful Question? 

It is a directive question you ask that cannot be answered with a yes or no. 

You want to direct the conversation in the most helpful area for your friend. This is not where you pick up the agenda you have released. 

But since you have been using Reflective and Interpretive Listening you have learned what is on your friend’s mind. 

Now it is time to dive deeper with a Helpful Question. 

This requires curiosity. You may be reluctant to follow your curiosity. You may have been conditioned to ignore your curiosity because it is considered rude. 

Reflective listening allows your friends (3)

Would you agree that curiosity is not rude when it is stirred by love and concern for someone else? 

For example, if your sister says she just got a positive test from the doctor. She may need for you to be curious about the results. She may need for you to be curious about how she is feeling about the results. 

If she didn’t have the need to talk about the test results would she have mentioned them? 

Put yourself in her position. Does she need for you to start telling her what she should do? How do you feel when someone gives you unrequested advice? 

This can be hard if you believe that you have something that will help her. 

If she has a health problem that your product can help with . . . 

If she wants to earn money working from home and your comp plan is perfect for her . . .

Remember this: 

Wait patiently. 

Listen lovingly. 

When the time is right, you will be able to share what is on your heart, if you have allowed her to share what is on her heart. 

Consider this quote by Roy T. Bennett, “Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” 

You want to make your question directive and prompt a complete answer by asking an open-ended question – one that cannot be answered with a yes or no answer. 

Reflective listening allows your friends (5)

An open-ended question usually starts with one of the following words: 

  • Who 
  • What 
  • When 
  • Where 
  • Why 
  • How 

 Here are some examples of closed-ended and open-ended questions: 

Closed: Are you worried about the test results?

Open: How do you feel about the test results?

Closed: Is blue your favorite color?

Open: Why is blue your favorite color?

Closed: Do you want to quit your job?

Open: What do you see yourself doing in five years?

You get the idea. 

We sometimes hesitate to ask questions, but if you have used the first two Listening Skills you have begun a process that will feel natural as you ask a Helpful Question. 

Think about it as providing a service. 

You will be listening. Most of us don’t have many if any listeners in our lives. That creates a vacuum. When you show up with a listening attitude, your friend will fill that vacuum with words from her heart. 

Here is what you will provide your friend if you listen to her with a Helpful Question: 

  • You will encourage her to share what is on her heart. 
  • You will help her talk it out, which is one of the best problem-solving techniques. 
  • You will assure her that you are listening; that what she thinks is important to you. 
  • You will move the conversation along in a direction that is helpful for your friend. 
  • You can’t ask Helpful Questions and work your agenda. 
  • You are ready to give Supportive Feedback to your friend and then make a Confident Close. 

You may have difficulty with Helpful Questions because: 

  • You feel that asking questions is rude. 
  • It takes thought to know which way you can best direct the conversation. 
  • You need to be listening for your friend’s feelings as well as the content of her words. 
  • You still need to release your agenda 

Practice makes good. More practice makes better. 

Helpful Question Exercises. Here are some statements that might have been made as a result of Reflective and Interpretive Listening. Some of these statements will tempt you to skip getting more information – information that will better serve you and your friend as you move forward. 

Practice patience. 

These practice Helpful Question statements require that you imagine what the previous Reflective and Interpretive Listening steps provided you. As you answer use directive, open-ended questions. Consider what you imagine your friend is feeling. Ask yourself what information do you need to understand what they are feeling like and what they need to hear themselves say to make the best decision. Be careful. Some of these statements will make you want to share your companies comp plan or your product’s health benefits. Don’t do it. Not yet! 

  1. Yes, I do resent that John doesn’t help more with bill paying. It feels like he avoids the stress and lets me deal with it. 
  2. My job, you know how much I used to love it. I wanted out of the other one and now this one feels the same. 
  3. I hate how I feel jealous of Cassie. I would just like once to have something she wants instead of the other way around. 
  4. I worry about the car every time I drive to work. It is a long commute and I see the odometer keep nudging toward 200,000. 
  5. I wish I felt as good as you. You seem to be aging well. 
  6. I can’t believe that summer is ending. It feels like forever before my next vacation. I took time off last month. But I already need more time off. 
  7. Frank’s schedule is crazy. The kids hardly see him anymore. He feels guilty and I feel resentful. 
  8. I would like to have a business like you but I am not sure I could do what you do. 

Congratulations, you have put away your agenda and listened Reflectively and Interpretively to open an opportunity to ask Helpful Questions.

With these three Listening Skills, you have learned more about what your friend or family member wants and needs in life. 

You know what their hopes and dreams are. 

They know that you care about them. They might be thinking in more positive terms about what you are doing – about your hopes and dreams. 

So now, with your agenda still safely tucked away, it is time for you to give your friend some Supportive Feedback. 

Now you can learn to hear hidden messages using Interpretive Listening

Now you can learn to hear hidden messages using Interpretive Listening.

There is a listening one, two punch for aspiring recruiters. 

You have already learned the first punch. We call it Reflective Listening. 

In the last section, Reflective Listening was the only tool we used. But in real life, you will often use all Five Listening Skills. 

Reflective Listening is helpful at the beginning of a conversation because it helps you and your friend to relax. 

Reflective Listening slows you down and helps you release your agenda. It also helps you demonstrate to your friend that they are more important than your getting another sale. 

Reflective Listening also helps your friend hear themselves and even clarify their comments. 

But if you use Reflective Listening too much it will get weird. 

You still need to learn more about what your friend is thinking and what may motivate their decision to join you as a customer or distributor. So, you use Reflective Listening’s partner, Interpretive Listening. 

Interpretive Listening will help you begin the process of hearing what your friend is thinking. 

Female college friends talking on campus

You know that communication is much more than words. You learn what is being communicated by body language and tone of voice as well as the spoken words. 

You are not only learning but if you use Interpretive Listening well, your friend will more clearly understand what she is thinking. She will also learn how she sounds to others. 

As this happens you are opening the door to true communication. 

You are further releasing the agenda you may have – the agenda that will not serve you well. 

So how do you use Interpretive Listening? 

With Interpretive Listening, you are listening for feelings and hidden messages in what is being said. 


Suppose you are having coffee with your sister and she says. 

Ugg, it’s bill paying time again. I wish John would help me. 

What feelings might you hear in a statement like this? 

Is there a hidden message? 

In a conversation, you would have body language and tone of voice to help but it seems likely that the feelings might be a dread or helplessness. Or there might be a hidden message of frustration that her husband doesn’t help with a mundane job. 

How will you respond? 

Would you agree that there must be something more that your sister wants to communicate? Generally, we don’t talk about money even with family. It seems that there must be something really bothering your sister. 

But if you assume that you know what she means you might get it wrong. In my experience, we more often than not get it wrong. You need more information. 

Of course, you could ask the obvious question, “What do you mean?” How likely is she to answer you? How likely is she to deflect your question and change the subject? 

Even if you think that she might be expressing a reason to join you in your company, you need to learn more. And maybe your sister needs you to listen as she talks about a frustration or fear in her life. 

Based upon hints you receive from body language and tone of voice, you must decide what feeling is being expressed or if there is a hidden message expressed. 

The feeling could be a dread of paying bills because of a hidden message that she has more bills than money. 

You can explore all possibilities with Interpretive Listening which uses lead in phrases like: 

  • It sounds like . . . 
  • It seems . . .
  • I get the sense . . . 
  • I seems to me . . . 
  • It sounds as though . . . 

It is important to use a tentative voice.

After all, you don’t know for sure. You are testing your tentative understanding of what has been said. 

Two cheerful women drinking coffee and talking in cafe

You could reply with feeling words: 

It sounds like you really dread paying bills. 


It seems to me that you hate bill paying. 

You have used a tentative voice when you say one of these and then you wait. Your sister might respond. 

Yes, I do dread the bills. I must be sure that we still have money left for gas and groceries. 


I am so tired of doing it by myself. John just sits and watches his ball game. 

As you can see there is the possibility that you could get two different responses. The first one is a feeling. The second is a hidden message. 

At this point, you should be glad you didn’t jump to a conclusion. 

But you would not leave the conversation here. You might respond with one more Interpretive Listening statement. 

For instance, for the first response. You could say, again with a tentative voice: 

It seems as though you are feeling a little desperate. 

This gives your sister the opportunity to freely talk about what she has kept to herself.  You let her take the conversation where she wants. But you will continue using the other three listening skills so that you fully grasp what she wants to tell you. 

Of course, your sister may just be tired of paying bills without her husband’s help. 

The conversation might go like this after you have said, 

You: It seems to me like you hate paying the bills.

Your Sister: You bet I do. I process accounts payable at work all day. I want to watch the Food Channel while John pays the bills for once.

Your conversation will go in a different direction, won’t it? Again, aren’t you glad for that one Interpretive Listening skill that clarified what she said? 

Maybe this conversation won’t end in your suggesting that she consider joining you in your business. But with the Five ListeningSkills, you will be equipped to listen while she talks through her frustration and looks for a solution to her problem. 

Above all, you need to believe that she is the one who can find the best solution to her problem. People like to be listened to but seldom like to be told what to do.

To recap Interpretive Listening: 

You hear what may be a feeling or a hidden message. 

You use a tentative voice and check out your perception with a statement that starts with: 

  • It sounds like . . . 
  • It seems . . . 
  • I get the sense . . . 
  • I seems to me . . . 
  • It sounds as though . . . 

One or two Interpretive Listening statements will be all you’ll need before moving on with the conversation. 

Here are the benefits of Interpretive Listening: 

  • Helps your friend communicate their feelings. 
  • Helps your friend clarify what they are feeling and thinking. 
  • Allows you to check out if you are hearing the other person correctly. 
  • Enables you to release your agenda and focus on what the other person wants. 


Interpretive Listening may be difficult because: 

  • We aren’t used to freely expressing feelings. 
  • We may have a limited feeling vocabulary. 
  • You may feel uncomfortable “prying” into others’ feelings. 
  • You haven’t released your agenda and are trying to steer the conversation so that you can share your message. 

Practice makes good; more practice makes better. 

Interpretive ListeningPractice Exercises: 

For each statement list several possible feelings that are being expressed and any hidden message that you have heard. For each statement, there may be more than one way to respond. Write out as many as you can. Also, write out how you might be tempted to answer if you haven’t released your agenda. 

  1. Ugg, it’s bill paying time again. I wish John would help me. 
  2. Can you believe another year is almost over? The years keep passing and I am still in the same job! 
  3. Have you seen Zoe? She looks great. I could never lose weight like that. 
  4. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love my job, it’s just that I haven’t had a real vacation in years. 
  5. My birthday is next week! I was sure I’d have my own business by now. 
  6. My boss is impossible. She expects me to be on call twenty-four, seven. 
  7. Josh and Sophie are doing a Mediterranean cruise, can you believe that? 
  8. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. 
  9. If I hear one more person talk about how they lost weight I am going to scream. 
  10. I wonder how the next door neighbors can afford a new car every year. 

Interpretive Listening practice is work. Can you imagine how hard it would be to use without practice? So, spend time working on these to get good at Interpretive Listening. 

And use Interpretive Listening in real life to practice. We all should be listening to the people in our lives, shouldn’t we? 

The next of the Five Listening Skills comes easier to most people and we are tempted to skip to it before we have properly Reflected and Interpreted what we are hearing. 

Before we move on can you see how these two skills will help you release your agenda? 

As you do release your agenda, you gain greater freedom to listen and learn. And then you are ready to get serious with Helpful Questions. Then you will begin to learn if the person you are listening to is someone you want to join your business, what their why is and if the timing is right for them. 

When you listen, your friend listens too, if you use Reflective Listening

When you listen, your friend listens too, if you use Reflective Listening.

How did you feel the first time you sat down with a good friend to share your business and product? 

How do you suppose they felt? 

If you were like me there were a few butterflies. Maybe a lot! 

And if you were nervous, I am guessing your friend felt it and wondered what in the world was happening. 

She might have been thinking, “Oh no! Don’t tell me you’re doing one of those things!” 

There is nothing like a case of nerves to derail all your plans. And you can forget the script some well-meaning up line gave you. 

Trying to remember a script does not dispel nerves! 

Even if you have perfectly memorized your script you nervously look for the right place to insert your opening line. 

And then what do you do when your friend doesn’t stick to the script? 

Would you like a better way to begin? 

Try being fully present in the moment. 

Enjoy the presence of your friend. Catch up on what is happening in her life. 

And while you are doing that use a little reflective listening. 

Reflective listening allows your friends

Reflective listening allows your friend to hear what he has said. It can be done using two techniques: 

Restating: You repeat what your friend has said using their own words. Your tone of voice must be neutral and must not rise at the end of the statement or it will sound like you are questioning what she said. 

Restating would sound like this: 

Your friend: I will never join a network marketing company! 

You (Restating in a neutral tone of voice so it doesn’t sound like a question or a challenge.): You will never join a network marketing company. 

Rephrasing: You take the most important part of what your friend says and repeat it using his own words. 

Rephrasing would sound like this: 

Your friend: am so busy these days. I have felt overwhelmed with this new job. 

You, with a choice of taking the most important part of what your friend has said: You feel overwhelmed with your new job. 

Reflective listening will help you connect with your friend.  

Reflective listening is powerful. But you may doubt that something so simple could be powerful. 

The best way to learn the power of Reflective Listening is to roleplay. 

I remember roleplaying when I was acting the part of a reluctant friend who did not want to hear about network marketing. I was determined to be a hard sell. It went like this: 

Me: I heard you have joined Jean in her business and I don’t want to talk about it. 

My friend using Reflective Listening: You don’t want to talk about it. [This was delivered in a neutral tone. The voice didn’t rise at the end making it sound like a question. It truly reflected to me what I had said. It communicated an acceptance of what I had said. There was no argument.] 

Me [I was amazed to feel my defenses weaken with that one Reflective Listening statement. So, my response was softer than I had planned.]: Not really. It’s just that we are a little short and we’re trying to save up so I can quit my job. 

My friend resisted the urge to tell me that she could help with that; instead she reflected what I said: You want to quit your job. 

Me: I am desperate to get out of that job. And we want to start a family. 

My friend, has heard two different thoughts and gets to decide which seems most important to me right now: You want to start a family. 

Me: We have for a couple of years. But the job so drains me that I can’t imagine taking care of a baby. 

My friend: You can’t imagine taking care of a baby. 

Me: Not while working. I want to be a good mother. My mother went back to work and she wasn’t there for me. I would love to join you and Jean. But the timing is just terrible. 

Remember, I was roleplaying and I had determined to be a hard sell. But even in role play the Reflective Listening so disarmed me that I found myself more agreeable to the idea of joining my friend in her business than I had planned to be.  

[This conversation only uses one of the Five Listening Skills. After you have learned the other four Listening Skills you won’t use Reflective Listening so much. Once is often all you need before moving forward with the other skills.] 

At this point, my friend has many different options. She could start sharing how the business could work for me but she is smart enough to realize that I am still not ready. The timing may not be right. She values my friendship enough to continue the conversation with the other listening skills and see where I go with it. She has relinquished control of the conversation and I will feel free to be open with her. 

From your experience, what would I do if my friend says something like, there are lots of couples building a business just so they can quit their job and be full-time parents at this point? 

She could say that and maybe I might say yes. But most likely the conversation would end awkwardly. 

Network marketing is a business of timing. You can ignore that and still experience success. But how many friends and family will you alienate? 

Two important things to keep in mind: 

Use your friends own words

Use your friend’s own words. 

Don’t let it sound like a question by letting your voice go up at the end of your statement. 

By using your friend’s own words you are letting her hear what she said. Unbelievably, we are so bad at listening we don’t even listen to ourselves sometimes.  

Or we overstate what we are thinking. 

Here are some examples: 

Your friend: I won’t ever do network marketing. It’s a total scam. 

YouYou won’t ever do network marketing[It would be easy to raise your voice at the end. That would change your Reflective Listening into a challenge that would put your friend on the defensive. Instead, your friend has heard how final her statement sounds.] 

Your friend: Oh, I don’t mean never. I just can’t imagine doing one more thing right now. 

Your brotherAre you crazy? Only idiots do network marketing. 

You: [Family can say hurtful things. But do they really mean it? No! This is your brother who would give you the shirt off his back. Now you are going to repeat what he said neutrally. Don’t let the tone of your voice go up at the end even a little.]Only idiots do network marketing 

If you let your voice go up, you and your brother may not talk with each other at the next family reunion. If you keep a neutral tone of voice, you keep that precious relationship with your brother healthy. 

Your brother: Oh, you know what I mean. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Why are you doing this? [Wouldn’t you love to be able to tell him!]  

One of the benefits of Reflective Listening is to put your sister or friend at ease. If they know that you just joined one of those things, they know what is coming. They may not want to join you, but they don’t want to say no either. 

By Reflectively Listening, you begin to release your agenda 

They will sense that and realize that they can say no.  

It may make it easier for them to eventually say yes. 

The Benefits of Reflective Listening: 

  • It helps you release your agenda by giving their statements importance. 
  • It puts them at ease once they realize you are not going to pressure them. 
  • It demonstrates that you care more about the friendship than a sale. 
  • It helps you listen to what is being said to you. 
  • It helps your family member hear what they are saying. 
  • It eases your nerves by focusing on what they are saying instead of trying to get an opening for “your script.” 
  • It is the beginning of a productive conversation by preparing you and your friend for the other listening skills. 

Here is why you may find Reflective Listening hard: 

  • Reflective Listening seems silly until you have experienced its power. 
  • Many people struggle with keeping their voice neutral. 
  • You may be nervous about your goal of sharing your business or product. 
  • You are worried about your friend’s reaction. 
  • You don’t feel in control of the conversation. 
  • You haven’t discovered the power of not being in control. 


Practice makes good; more practice makes better. 

Restating Practice 

Find a partner, someone on your team maybe, and practice with these comments. Remember to keep your voice neutral and don’t let your voice rise at the end. Think about what your natural response might be and why it would be better to restate. 

  1. I hate my job. 
  1. I want a real vacation. 
  1. I don’t want to hear about your weight loss products. 
  1. I want to lose 15 pounds by my daughter’s wedding. 
  1. We aren’t going to ever be able to retire at this rate. 
  1. My husband is never at home when the kids are awake. 

Rephrasing Practice 

Now you need to pick what you think is most important and rephrase it. You are still using the same words. Rephrasing is a better way to respond to comments you would like to refute. If you reflectively listen you will begin a dialogue that will be much more conducive for you to eventually answer their concerns. 

  1. I hate having to work. I just want to stay home and take care of my family. [If you invest time listening, you will learn more about what could be a huge “Why”.] 
  1. My brother-in-law did that and didn’t make a dime. [If you respond with a fact that refutes this statement, the discussion may end as an argument.] 
  1. I get my essential oils from Vitamin Cottage and they cost less there. [If you tell them that they get what they pay for, the conversation is over. If you rephrase this, the conversation can go forward. Perhaps, you will learn that they aren’t so sure of the value of their essential oil. You will be able to continue with the other listening skills if you reflectively listen first. Who knows, this may be your next distributor.] 
  1. I don’t have the time. I have been working overtime, my kids are starting soccer and ballet and my husband is always out of town on business. 
  1. I did the last venture with you and we lost money, remember? I can’t afford to lose any more money. 
  1. I don’t know as many people as you do. And I don’t want to make my friends mad at me. 

The key to using Rephrasing well is to pick a part of the larger statement for two reasons. 

Reflective listening allows your friends (1)

First, it would be weird to repeat a long complex statement. 

Second, you can pick which one you want to learn more about. 

In comment number five you could respond reflectively with, We lost money. Or you can’t afford to lose money. 

I would pick the second because I am curious about the finances of your friend. Is there something she is struggling with that she hasn’t shared with you? 

Practice Reflective Listening when you interact with people for the next few days and observe what happens. 

When angry words are spoken to us, our first instinct is to react with anger. We all know how effective that is at diffusing an incident. 

Imagine instead that we all use reflective listening. It could look like this (I like to dream!): 

Angry person: What are you doing? I was there first.

You: You were there first. [If you raise your voice at the end, it will sound like you are challenging the Angry Person and you better get ready to duck.]

Angry person: I had my eye on the end of the line and you came out of nowhere, so maybe we got here at same time.

You [Because you have kept your cool you will be gracious.]: That’s okay. Go ahead first.

Then as you stand in line you use the next of the Five Listening SkillsInterpretive Listening. You will not believe how that will turn this situation around.

Reflective Listening is hard. Practice it every chance you get and you will grow as a listener. 

Find a friend to practice with. You can even try practicing on the phone. 


If you could learn five listening skills that would make you a better recruiter. . .

If you could learn five listening skills that would make you a better recruiter. . .

Would you be interested? 

What if those skills would be useful in other areas of your life? 

Would that interest you? 

With these five listening skills, you can improve: 

Your relationships 

Your job 

Your friendships 

Your service to others 

Your spiritual life 

And your business! 

I emphasized your business not because it is necessarily the most important to you. 

My business isn’t most important to me, but in this book, we will focus on your business; because your business finances the rest of your life. 

The wonderful part is, that if you focus on being a better listener for your business, it will spill over into the other areas of your life. Because these Five Listening Skills work in any human interaction! 

And if you will practice your listening skills in your relationships, job, friendships, service to others and your spiritual life, your improved listening skills will automatically benefit your business. 

As you become a better listener you will develop a system to be a better recruiter – you will become an Intentional Recruiter. 

You will be an Intentional Recruiter as your focus turns to the agenda of people around you. Your listening skills will open new conversations. Conversations that you won’t control. That could be scary. But you will have a new level of awareness that will point you to the people who want what you are offering. 

You may recruit fewer people. 

But you will more effectively recruit the people you need and who need what you have. 

So, if you want to change your life and your business . . . 

. . . read (listen with your mind) on! 

 If you make listening and observation your occupation, you will gain much more than you can by talk. (2)

As Robert Baden-Powell says, “If you make listening and observation your occupation, you will gain much more than you can by talk. 

But listening isn’t easy; we must learn how to listen. 

You will be glad you learned to listen; because as Doug Larson says, “Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk.”  

Perhaps you are wondering who am I to preach listening to you. 

Well, I am a natural listener, who sucks at listening. 

What do I mean “a natural listener”? You might be a natural listener too. 

Do you recognize that people come to you and share their heartache and deep dark secrets? 

You may be a natural listener. 

Like when you are at the pool reading a riveting mystery and the gal next to you starts telling you about her failing marriage. 

All my life that has been the case. Even when I wasn’t equipped to listen properly, people shared with me. 

In my freshman year of college, a friend shared something with me that I was unprepared for. I had no idea what to do with the information she shared with me. 

To my shame, I just forgot about it, and a few weeks later I said something that must have been very hurtful to her. 

She looked hurt as she said, “Don’t you remember what I told you?” 

I still didn’t have anything to say that would help her. I hope she got help from someone; because she sure didn’t get help from me. 

So, some people just are easier to talk to. I may be one of them. You may be one of them. But being a natural listener is not what qualifies me to teach you about listening. 

You see, even if we are natural listeners, we still must learn to listen. 

Listening is a skill that if nurtured will serve those who are in your life. 

I had to learn just like you. 

I have failed — I have learned. 

I have trained others. 

For fifteen years, I was the director of a nonprofit organization that provided services to women and their families through our volunteers. Part of my job was to train those volunteers. 

A large part of the training was teaching Five Listening Skills. 

I have adapted those Five Listening Skills for network marketers. 

You can learn those skills, and you will see them benefit your relationships and your business. 

You will find that you can relax when meeting someone new; because these skills take the pressure off. 

You will make new friends and help others in ways that you never imagined. 

That’s because of something Alan Alda said, “Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.” 

I would add, listening is being willing to be changed by the other person. 

Who can benefit from learning these Five Listening Skills? 

These Five Listening Skills are for you if you are: 

  • New to network marketing 
  • A veteran network marketer 
  • A Facebook or digital marketer 
  • An owner of a brick and mortar business 
  • An educator 
  • A spouse or parent 

These five listening skills are not for you if you are: 

  • Someone in a hurry. 
  • Someone who is successfully using “old school” techniques, unless you are a true leader ready to adapt old methods to new times. 



Are you in? Listening is hard. 

Consider this quote by Peter Drucker, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” 

Listening isn’t easy but it will reward you in countless ways. 

Here is what you are going to learn: 

  • Four Common Listening Blunders 
  • Four Cures for Ineffective Listening 
  • Five Listening Skills 
  • How the Five Listening Skills Become a Recruiting System 
  • Strategies for Listening Online and Offline 

 I guarantee, learning to listen is a cure for the NFL (no friends left) syndrome. That’s because of the truth of a quote by Karl A. Menninger, “Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” 

You do want to draw people to you and your business, don’t you? 

So, let’s get started. 

We are plagued in our communication by four common listening blunders. 

Once, you have identified them, you are ready to do away with them. Magnetic Listening will help you. 

First, we are often controlled by a closed mind or an agenda. 

Having an agenda will close your mind to other possibilities. 

How do you recognize that you are being controlled by your agenda? You feel frustrated with someone’s response to your question or comment. 

If we leave our agenda out of the conversation, we won’t be discouraged by the direction it takes. But how do you know if an agenda controls you? Here are a few clues: 

  • You are using a script that someone taught you. 

The problem with scripts is that your friend doesn’t have a copy. Scripts are great to help you see natural ways to talk about your business. But with Magnetic Listening, you will be comfortable with impromptu conversations that will become tailored to the needs of your friend. 

  • You feel discouraged or frustrated by the direction the conversation takes. 

You want to share the exciting new business you are in and your friend is talking about wanting to find the perfect job. 

Or you want to share about the revolutionary new all-natural supplement that could help your sister have better health and she talks about seeing a new doctor. 

  • Your friend raises an objection that leaves you speechless. 

This will happen if you see yourself as the message instead of the messenger. You must have a third party that is the message. 

It can be a call or zoom meeting with someone in your upline or even cross line. 

It can be a recorded video. 

It can be a website. 

If you struggle referring to third-party sources, ask yourself why. 

Sometimes we want to come across as the one with the knowledge. Have a heart to heart with yourself. Explain to yourself that third-party sources are the most effective way to get the information to your friends. You can still come across as knowledgeable by introducing them to the source of the knowledge. 

Sometimes we don’t trust our up line. You may not want someone to put the “hard sell” on your best friend. 

I had that fear. But after a call or two, I realized that I could trust my sponsor and upline. Give your upline a chance. If there is part of their approach that you are uncomfortable with, talk to them about it. 

Sometimes it is the fear of new technology. is used widely today by network marketers and is user-friendly. But if you are unsure how to use it ask your upline for help and get started using technology. You will become proficient. Until then laugh off the mistakes. Your friends will laugh with you, not at you. 

Second, we are limited by not empathizing or listening to understand. 

Stephen Covey said that one of the seven habits of highly successful people is to first seek to understand, then to be understood. 

When we fail to first understand, we have overlooked one of the keys to being heard. 

The problem is that you may not recognize that you aren’t listening to understand. 

Just to be safe, assume that you aren’t listening to understand and learn the five listening skills. 

Third, you are distracted by surroundings. 

You can’t get rid of all distractions. But you can be aware of their effect. 

If you are going to a coffee shop, there will be the traffic of other customers and sounds of coffee machines. 

If you go to someone’s home, there may be children or pets. 

No matter where we go, we cannot escape the phone. 

Fourth, you are bound by preconceived ideas. 

One example of a preconceived idea is common with those of us who are “unemployable”. For us, there is no attraction of the “perfect job.” We see that as a myth or lie. We see jobs as insecure. 

But that is our perception. It is a preconceived idea that your friend may not share. 

You may believe in all-natural health care options. That is a preconceived idea. Your friend may have no confidence in supplements and will only follow a doctor’s advice. 

You cannot control your brother’s perceptions. He may not want to share with family and friends. 

You do not want to change your ideas, but you need to be aware of them and their effect on your ability to listen effectively. 

The good news is that there are Four Cures for Ineffective Listening. 

Your best line of defense to the listening blunders is Magnetic Listening but there are other ways you can be a more effective listener: 

First, release your agenda. 

Recognize that you have an agenda and let it go. 

One of the biggest agendas is the need to sign up people. This probably is fueled by your need to make extra money. Or your desire to win an incentive trip. 

Remember that you are not an employee. You are a business owner. 

Employees expect to be paid soon after they have worked. 

Business owners know that they are working towards making a profit; but that it is a process that requires patience. 

If you have realistic expectations, your agenda will be less of a problem. 

Talk with your sponsor and other upline mentors to set realistic expectations. 

Second, empathize so that you can listen to understand. 

Empathy is the act of putting yourself in the place of the other person. Imagine what it must feel like to experience what they are experiencing. 

The Five Listening Skills greatly enhance empathy. You will learn skills that enable you to empathize. 

Third, as much as you can, remove or keep distractions at a minimum. 

This is easy to understand, not so easy to implement. 

You can ask people to turn off cell phones. But not all of them will. 

Just make sure your phone is turned off! 

If you are doing a home meeting, arrange for children and pets to be out of the picture. 

My puppy Max is a huge distraction and it is hard to remove him. He is either in the room stealing attention with his cuteness or he is making a fuss because he is behind a closed door. works well for me. Max photobombs the video sometimes but his presence is minimized.  

You will have your own set of complications caused by distractions. Learn to anticipate and avoid all that you can. Learn to live with the rest. 

You can even comment that you are working from home and distractions are part of the appeal. Then it becomes a good thing. 

Finally, you must be open to new ideas and solutions. 

Be open to the idea that your best friend or sister is never going to join you in your business because it just isn’t what they want to do. 

Be open to the fact that your brother would rather keep working and doesn’t want to sell stuff to family and friends. 

Don’t be floored if someone you were sure would be your next “rock star” signs up with another network marketing company. 

You know that what you are doing is right for you. People are not made with a cookie cutter. 

What is right for you will be wrong for many of the people in your life. 

What is wonderful for you might be awful for your next-door neighbors. They might want to raise pit bulls. 

The key is to remember that what works for you probably won’t work for your best friend, or sibling, or spouse. 

After all, if everyone wanted to do network marketing, you would not be nearly as valuable to your company. 

The key is to remember that what works for you probably won’t work for your best friend, or sibling, or spouse. 

After all, if everyone wanted to do network marketing, you would not be nearly as valuable to your company. 

 We have finished the introduction to the Magnetic Listening for The Intentional Recruiter 

 You are on the way to becoming an Intentional Recruiter 

 We’ll look at each of the Magnetic Listening skills in the coming chapters and conclude with how you can use your new listening skills with online and offline strategies. 

 You are ready for the next chapter – Reflective Listening. It is the skill that will help you to connect and create a relaxed conversation. 

 It’s what you do when you are an Intentional Recruiter. 


Do We Need More “Yes Men?

You probably know someone like an acquaintance of mine.

Several years ago it occurred to me that she often has negative thoughts about the plans of those around her, even her children. Truly, she is being realistic.

But she is seldom encouraging. And I really don’t talk to her about my plans because she will observe some potential pitfall. She doesn’t say no but it feels like she is saying, that is a bad idea – don’t do it.

Jeff Olson reports in The Slight Edge that according to social science research children hear five times as many nos as yeses.Growing up we heard five times as many nos as yeses.Life has a downward pull. (1).png

I am guessing that it doesn’t get better as we continue in life.

This seems especially true if we choose a “career path” that isn’t “normal.” That is if we choose to be an entrepreneur, not an employee. Especially, if we start building a “pyramid scheme.”

Don’t you agree?

So, we learn that we need to spend more time with people who will affirm us in our “career choice.”

This is vital.

And it brings me to the concept of a yes-man as I first understood it.

My original concept of a yes-man was negative.

A yes-man was agreeing with an associate or superior to gain favor. That man or woman was not sincere and was seeking his or her own interests.

The person who surrounded themselves with yes-men was essentially weak and had nothing of value to share. Thus necessitating the need for the phony affirmation of yes-men.

That is not who we strive to be.

Perhaps because we start life with so many nos and likely continue to hear them we aren’t as confident in our own thoughts and decisions.

So we are encouraged to distance ourselves from the naysayers and hang out with those who are making similar choices to ours. But . . .

Let’s be clear about this – the network marketer is not weak.

Our decision to join a network marketing business was a daring decision.

We were aware of what many people think about our profession. In fact, many of us still harbored some of that mindset when we joined.

And even though we knew what others thought, we joined.LLP_Connie_09cropped

That takes courage and strength. But most likely we have exhausted our reserve of courageous strength after calling a few of our family and friends who turn out to be no-men.

So, we need to hang out with more yes-men. But what if we are married to a no-man/woman? What if our best friend is a no-man/woman?

What do we do? Where do we find the positive reinforcement that will fill up our courageous strength tank?

Here are two obvious suggestions followed by two not so obvious suggestions.

Your sponsor and/or immediate upline.

It is your sponsor and other upline’s job to stay plugged in with you. Your company’s compensation structure is designed to reward them more if you succeed than if you don’t. So they have a vested interest in your success.

Your upline doesn’t think you are crazy for building a network marketing. They are your loudest yes-men. The more you communicate with them the more yeses you will hear.

Therefore it is your job to stay plugged in with them.

Some people work closely with sponsors and upline. Some people don’t. That is your choice but make sure you get the maximum positive affirmation from your upline.

And while you are at it pass it back to them.

Company Regional and National Events.FB_IMG_1500087208283

There are several reasons for attending company events. It is the best way to stay informed of compensation plan updates and product launches.

We usually learn of the latest developments in the use of technology in selling our opportunity and products at company events.

And one of the best reasons is networking.

Introduce yourself to new people. Get contact info. Or just friend them on Facebook.

Then stay in contact with them.

Some of those contacts may become your best yes-men.

Those are the two obvious suggestions. And here are the two less obvious suggestions.

Create your own yes-groups.Untitled design (2)

Use the internet to attract even more yes-men. You can do that in several ways and on many social media platforms.

My preference is creating a Facebook business page and start building your own brand. Post items that will be helpful to others building a network marketing business and start inviting people to like your page.

You will be attracting people who love network marketing and you will create a positive place for network marketers.

You should be posting daily and engaging with those who show up on your page so it will be like a networking event in your community all day every day.

Finally, join other network marketing groups and meet new contacts.20180118_083737

Do online searches for MLM or network marketing groups and find one that works for you.

Observe the posted rules. Some allow, even encourage, people to post their opportunity information. Whatever the rules a good guide is to be more interested in helping others than helping yourself.

The best group I have found is one of the perks of an internet marketing training and affiliate program that focuses on network marketers. They have a Facebook group that both helpful and encouraging.

I found them almost two years ago. They aren’t free but they are valuable.

They train, mentor and coach and you choose the way you will build your business.

You have an opportunity to get a taste of the program in a free 10-day Attraction Marketing Boot Camp.

The Boot Camp link signs you up to receive 10 days of video training and an introduction to the program and the community that comes along with it.

It is only a Facebook group but it is a community in the best sense.

In closing, I volunteer to be one of your yes-men. I love what we do and the freedom it provides.

May you grow and prosper and do well and good with your prosperity.

I value your comments and feedback.

If you have found value in this article share it with others.

I’ll be in touch,
Connie Suarez

Language Patterns of Successful People

Ever wonder why there are so many personal development books and programs out there and yet people keep signing up for more?

Is it possible those books and programs aren’t getting the job done?

Some people have purchased so many personal development products that they could teach their own class.

Maybe you are one of them. I have plopped down enough money over the years that I should be wondering why I haven’t seen a greater change.

I recently heard my mentor Ferny Ceballos speak about this on a Facebook Live he titled:

Language Patterns of the Most Successful People I Know

Ferny loves to go out on the controversial limb and he did this time as well when he said,

The problem with most personal development gurus is that they mostly show you what to think, not how to think.

He really got my attention when he said,20180118_083737

When selling I reveal to a person how I think. My thinking doesn’t allow for excuses to be inserted.

Does that interest you?

If you are a network marketer you know that people have an endless array of excuses that they offer when you invite them to join you in your business opportunity.

That is why I listened with pen and paper in hand. I wanted to retain the valuable info I was about to hear.

Ferny continued with this question:

What if learning how successful people think was like learning any other skill?

For that to happen it has to be:Identifiable Repeatable Duplicatable.png

  • Identifiable – We need to know what purpose it serves.
  • Repeatable – We need to be able to do it again.
  • Duplicatable – We need to be able to teach it to others.

I am currently demonstrating the third item on the list. I am teaching the process to you in this blog.

Yesterday I repeated it in the blog I posted.

And apparently, I understand the purpose it serves and believe it to be valuable enough to devote time talking about it in two blog posts.

So here is the process Ferny Ceballos taught.

The How to Think Process. Or The Success Formula.

  1. Who is the person asked to think – who is doing the work? Often this will be you. You are growing as an entrepreneur and as a person. But understanding this process will help us as we have a conversation with a prospect.
  2. What – historical – We are gathering information at this point.
    • Ask what worked in the past, what didn’t work, what works for others, what are other ideas that I might do, what else might I do to gather more ideas.
    • We are gathering ideas and we are not attached to one idea. If you are going through this process with someone you hope to recruit it is important that you remain unattached to the idea of them joining you in your business.
  3. What is the action plan?
    • The question we ask here is what might I do differently that I haven’t done before.
    • You may involve a mentor in this part of the process.
    • You are forming a plan. You want to decide what is going to be most effective.
    • You may decide you need more ideas and go back to step 2.
  4. The final step is to take Action. Do what you have planned.

As Ferny shared these steps I did not question their worth. He had been role modeling it for me and I had already adopted it somewhat.

Still, I was glad to hear that this is based upon research. The Canadian government spent millions studying how successful people think.

So, the question is how will I be more like Ferny and lead others in learning how to think when I am selling.

It is definitely something to put in our toolbox. Then when it would be helpful in a conversation pull out those questions and ask them in the context of the problem.

I believe that when we quit making excuses ourselves and start thinking we begin to naturally influence others.

In other words, if we want the people we invite to our business to quit making excuses we should stop making excuses.

It is too bad that more people aren’t taught to think. Wouldn’t it be nice if this process were taught in schools?

Until that happens we have one more opportunity to make a difference as we role model it in our lives and teach those we are leading and coaching in our businesses.

I welcome your comments.

If you find value in this article, share it with your friends and team.

I’ll be in touch,
Connie Suarez

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